This is the fourth in a series. If you haven’t already, make sure to read Penned #1, Penned #2, and Penned #3 first!

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DP—

Why are you asking me that? Jesus I wish you’d stop wasting my time and just find the guy already. I’ve been in here for years. YEARS.

If you’d actually talk to them and investigate like I’m paying you to, then you’d know the answer to your question already. But fine, let’s go over this again. I was playing cards with some buddies and we were drinking and shooting the shit. You know how it is.

Or maybe you don’t. I don’t actually know anything about you, do I?

But anyway, they were goading me and talking shit about how I was just a pickpocket and drug dealer and how I’d never gotten a haul all that big or anything.

So I started flapping my mouth and it kinda just slipped out. I don’t know why I did it. But I swear to god I’m not actually guilty, okay? I was just tired of those guys thinking I was some little bitch.

They must’ve saw their chance then and whoever actually robbed those museums framed me so he could get away with it. And like I said, the only guys there were Eric and Josh and Jasper and Dean. And Dean’s sister was there, too, I guess. I think her name was Eve? But she was in the other room the whole time making some frilly food for us or something. I don’t know. You know how women are. Do you? I don’t know. We’ve really gotta meet, DP. There’s so much I can’t tell you here and really I’m starting to think you’re a ghost.

—BW