Like most writers, I have a love-hate relationship with requesting and receiving feedback. On the one hand, it’s a crucial step to improving one’s writing. On the other, it’s terrible.

These past few weeks, waiting to hear back from my beta readers has been… interesting, and I’ve noticed that I’ve gone through clear stages as I’ve been waiting:

Stage 1: Panic (30 seconds – 5 minutes after pressing send)

Scrambling to cancel the email, considering deleting your email account, pacing about frantically.

Stage 2: Regret (5 minutes – 1 hour after pressing send)

“Oh god, what have I done?”

“I guess I need to go off the grid now—change my name, throw out my phone, live off the land far, far away from everyone.”

Stage 3: Inner Death (1 – 2 days after pressing send)

Okay, maybe “inner death” is a bit melodramatic, but I think it’s an apt description, more or less. After discussing preliminary feedback on my manuscript with a friend, she told me that my eyes actually did look dead and that she hadn’t known that expression was possible.

Stage 4: Denial (2 – 3 days after pressing send)

“Maybe it’ll be fine; maybe it’s perfect and they’ll have only compliments.”

Stage 5: Acceptance (3 days after pressing send – now?)

And, at last, you come to terms with what you’ve done and why: Even if the feedback is brutal, it’ll all be okay because it’s necessary for growth.

So that’s where I’m at right now—acceptance.